Kurt said in his suicide note
that it would be the worst crime
to rip people off by faking it
and pretending as if he was having
100% fun, and I think it's a bit
of an exaggeration.
There is nothing fun about bleeding
the pen and putting every fiber
onto a sheet of bleached paper,
or onto a vast internet where
all you reveal finds permanence,
or into a song where you've pained
over every verse of lyric, every
chord you've played, with a
When I think of 100% fun,
I don't think of anything I can do
in my every day life.
I think of that Matthew Sweet album
and the song "Sick of Myself" and
how I saw him play at Roseland Ballroom
and how he played for nearly three hours
almost making me miss the ferry back
to New Jersey, and how I had to direct
the cabbie to the NY Waterway, which
was both pathetic and sad. Luckily,
I managed to catch the next to last
ferry, at 12:50 am on a weekday.
That wasn't even 5% fun for me.