Saturday, December 17, 2011

I'm...fucking...DONE.

Seriously. I am NOT going to even bother to apply for the Winter Poetry and Prose Getaway scholarship again. It's pointless. It's clear that their "panel" is looking for something or someone I am clearly not. I'm not putting myself through the anxiety of having to wonder whether or not I stand a snowball's chance in the sun at this thing again. It's obvious I don't. So, I'm not going to apply for the scholarship again. Furthermore, since I KNOW that money is always going to be an issue for me, I know that there's nary a chance I'll ever be able to afford to go...so basically, I'm never going to get to go. It's fine. Really. I've had a lovely string a rejections lately...my manuscript is floating in purgatory...I've had bad writer's block. Perhaps it's a sign. Shit, I didn't even place in the Medford Arts Center's poetry contest, so why would I think I'd get this? I'm starting to lose my desire to write. 

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